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~ For the Love of Words, Laughter, Inspiration (and the odd sexy split infinitive.)

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Tag Archives: depression

Cowl – #Halloween #DailyHaikuChallenge

31 Saturday Oct 2020

Posted by Morgan in Poetry

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

BnV, BooknVolume, Darkness, depression, Fear, Grief, Halloween, Haunted Places, Memory, Poem, poetry, Poetry Blog, spirituality, ~Morgan~

.

Silence lies thickly

Muted tones of Memory

A dark heavy Cowl

.

To take part in the Daily Haiku Challenge see The Original Post from Day One

.

Day 353 / 365

 

.

~Morgan~

.

.

.

Beautiful Photograph found on Pinterest. Credit Gratefully Acknowledged to the Original Photographer. Thank You~

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It Is Not – #Poetry #Sadness #Depression #Negativity

07 Saturday Sep 2019

Posted by Morgan in Poetry

≈ 8 Comments

Tags

BooknVolume, Darkness, depression, Grief, Human Condition, Life Challenges, Lost Hope, Negativity, sadness, Visual Poetry, ~Morgan~

.

It is Not,
It does Not,
Calamity upon the sleeve;
Creeping like the Dark of Night
Into the Heart
To lurk and cleave.

It has Never,
It will Never,
Trespass set into motion;
Crushing the Majestic Billowing Wave
Of the deepest,
Bravest Ocean.

Impossible,
Improbable,
Wreaking Havoc on their course;
Vile demons smashing Heaven,
Hand in Hand
With Force.

Negativity,
Like Poison,
Caustic as Infection;
Cheats the Heart of all that Shimmers,
And Gathers unto it
Rejection.

.
~Morgan~
.
.
.

Photograph found on Pinterest.  Credit Gratefully Acknowledged to the Original Photographer.
Thanks you~

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Listening for Miracles – An Exploration of #Music and #Spirituality

20 Wednesday Feb 2019

Posted by Morgan in Just Me Musing

≈ 6 Comments

Tags

BnV, BooknVolume, Daily Meditations, Depeche Mode, depression, Faith, Fear, life, Life Perspectives, Love, spirituality, Suicide, ~Morgan~

.

Depeche Mode is one of my all time favourite bands…hands down, no contest, don’t have to think twice about it. Love Dave Gahan’s delicious baritone, love the synthetic, tribal quality of the music, love Martin Gore’s tremulous tenor, love his gift with words…. but this particular song has always made me sad. Not because of the obvious reasons though, not because the girl dies or because the poor mother is grief-stricken, (sorry, spoiler alert!) but because Martin, David, and perhaps more than a good share of the audience, doesn’t seem to hear the Miracle contained in the lyrics.

First, if you are unfamiliar with the song, Blasphemous Rumours, then you should take a moment to listen to it before continuing on…(just a suggestion, really)

Sad tale? Yes. God vindictive and unfair? Not likely. Why not? How I can possibly say not? Look at it from another angle:

Sad Girl is lost, alone, hurting, who knows why, we aren’t told. She thinks life is too hard and doesn’t want to go on trying, so she makes the ultimate final attempt, but she doesn’t succeed. (“Thank the Lord for small mercies”..to quote the song.) She fails at failing.  It takes time to recover, years, but she comes to the ultimate realization that LOVE is all around her; beautiful, joyful, ever-present, guiding, protecting…like a parent who cares unconditionally, or a best friend who never gives up on you, or like your most precious pet, who adores you unreservedly. She finally understand this LOVE and is Happy.

Suddenly, her time is up. No one can control our finiteness, life is brief. It seems like such a tragedy, especially since she only just found LOVE, but it’s not a tragedy, it’s a Miracle. Had she died without realizing how much LOVE is around her, inside her, watching over her, caring for her, she may never have been happy and she would have died, alone, bitter, lost forever in that pit of despair.(because I believe we go on afterward into what we value, create and share here on earth in this life….but that is another post altogether) …yet because she failed at failing, she succeeds.

She heard the Miracle.

So yes, very sad song, but not for the reasons you thought…

~Morgan~

.

Exceptional music written and performed by Depeche Mode.

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#GuestBloggers – Post-Grad Depression…Wait, that’s a Thing?

30 Monday Apr 2018

Posted by Morgan in Guest Bloggers on BnV

≈ 3 Comments

Tags

Authors, BnV, BooknVolume, Change, creative writing, depression, Guest Blogger, Indie Authors, Inspiration, Writers, ~Morgan~

Hi! I am really excited to be guest writing for Morgan’s blog! I am nowhere near as talented as she is but I thought I would share a piece that is already currently on my blog and something that I have been dealing with recently.

A little about me, my name is Amberlyn and my blog is called Lovely Dysfunction. I cover a little bit of everything over there. From hikes, to mental health, to makeup; I cover it all! I’m not the best writer but I feel like I get a little better with each post. I just moved from Georgia to Colorado for a new career in Marketing and that transition has definitely thrown me through a loop. The short essay below is about what I have been going through recently. If it resonates with you at all, please let me know. Thanks!

Post-Grad Depression…wait, that’s a thing?

A modernly renovated and beautifully decorated 2 bedroom apartment. It’s not the penthouse but spacious and affordable. It’s in the perfect location where I can walk to my favorite cafe and I’m only a block away from the subway stop. My job is so much fun, I am pretty damn good at it, and I get paid more than the average fresh graduate. I have loads of open-minded new friends and even an attractive and friendly stranger who I encountered at a bookstore one weekend that may be interested. I have started working out more and getting healthy. Life is beautiful and I am happy.

That is how I envisioned post-grad life for the entirety of my senior year. It’s probably one of the sole things that kept me motivated and marching toward that cap and gown. Don’t get me wrong, post-grad life is wonderful for many reasons but my vision was also terribly misleading.

At first, I was too busy to notice it. My parents were helping me unpack, I was meeting my coworkers, starting my initial work training, decorating my apartment, and so on. Then my Dad left and I felt a twinge of something, but I sucked it up and moved on. I am an adult now, right? My mom stayed a little longer. We are both control freaks so we butted heads quite a bit in that time period. To the point, that I found myself counting down the days until her departure. Then she left. I was fine for about a week. Drunk with new-found freedom that was literally like nothing I had ever experienced. I was self-sufficient, in a state hundreds of miles away from home, in my OWN apartment with an amazing job.

However, I had a ton of time by myself. I have my dog, who I am incredibly thankful for, but I had no one to talk to when I got home. This was especially damaging after a bad day. Yes, I could have called someone and I did some days but I slowly stopped this practice. It was easier to direct my energy to self-loathing and hiding in my bed than calling my mom. I was beating myself up over the smallest mistakes and overanalyzing every critique my manager gave me. I was miserable.

On top of this, all my closest friends were still in college, living happily in the comfortable bubble that I had left behind. They would send photos to me of them hanging out together and it would hurt because I knew I had no one like that in my new home…and because I missed them, obviously.

I went from being an extremely motivated individual to one who didn’t even want to get out of bed in the morning to go to work. I went from being so excited to hike every inch of Colorado to deciding to stay in and watch YouTube videos.

I feel bad even writing about this because I am incredibly blessed. I was blessed with the opportunity to go to and graduate college, I am blessed with a well-paid job with what I consider to be a very caring company. I have an apartment that fits my needs, and I have a family and friends that keep in touch despite our distance. However, I still feel sad. Some days are better than others and some days are really, really bad. Leaving the bubble of school and the world you create there is difficult. I’m sure some struggle with it more than I do and I am sure some people don’t struggle at all. I thought it would be a breeze. I thought I had it all figured out.

There are several reasons I think post-grad depression is a thing:

  • Leaving your comfort zone

Most of us have been in school for 17 years (+-). School is what we are good at; it’s what we know how to do. Leaving that comfort zone filled with friends, a routine, and a purpose is hard. 

  • College is about personal development, the real world often isn’t

In school, we have a definite purpose. No matter how miserable that one professor is you know it’s temporary and you are doing it to ultimately make yourself a better human. After college, most of what you do is to better your employer. You may be inadvertently bettering yourself but that’s often not your main purpose in your day-to-day life unless you make time for it.

  • Dealing with adult things

Let me tell you, electing my benefits was one of the most stressful things I have done. I understand how incredibly blessed I am to be offered benefits but the amount of money that leaves my paycheck every other week should be criminal. In addition to benefits, I have had to deal with taxes, apartment hunting, driving a U-Haul 1600 miles, appliances breaking, emergency vet trips, credit bureau security breaches, and bills on bills on BILLS.

  • Life not aligned with passions

College was a pain in my butt at times but a lot of it was focused on learning about topics I enjoyed. In fact, college is really about what you want. While my job is in marketing, my major, I can admit it isn’t the type of marketing I ever really wanted to do. There are other positions in the company that align better with my passions but I’m not there yet. I am here. It’s hard waking up to do something every day that you may not necessarily love but I am smart enough to understand that not everyone gets their dream job straight out of the gate and I am willing to work hard to get there one day.

I still deal with this ‘depression’ every day. A lot of this post was written in past tense but it’s still very much an issue. This post wasn’t meant to discourage any current college students. I love being independent and not having to worry about finals or buying books. However, I do wish someone had warned me. I don’t know if there is really a way to prepare but take it as reassurance.

Post-grad life may not be everything you dreamed it to be, but life is about adjusting and overcoming and you will.

I will.

Thanks for reading!

Link to my blog: https://lovelydysfunction.wordpress.com

Link to my ‘About me’ page: https://lovelydysfunction.wordpress.com/about/

Link to this post: https://lovelydysfunction.wordpress.com/2017/10/20/post-grad-depression-wait-thats-a-thing/

.

~Amberlyn ~

.

If you’d like to be a Guest Blogger on Booknvolume

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Subsistence – #InspirationalPoetry

14 Sunday Jan 2018

Posted by Morgan in Poetry

≈ 4 Comments

Tags

BnV, BooknVolume, Change, Choices, depression, Grief, Hope, Inspiration, Perspective, photography, Poem, poetry, Poetry Blog, ~Morgan~

Subsistence

.

Subsistence

Insistence

Gentle Persuading Inspiring Persistence

Building Bridges from Darkness

To Light

Shifting Perspective

Consistence

In Existence

.

~Morgan~

.

.

.

Beautiful Photograph  by Omur Kahveci

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The Mirage of Hours – #Meditative #Poetry

05 Friday Jan 2018

Posted by Morgan in Poetry

≈ 3 Comments

Tags

BnV, BooknVolume, depression, Fear, Hope, Memory, Poem, poetry, Poetry Blog, relationships, spirituality, time, ~Morgan~

The Mirage of Hours

.

Hush the Tide of Silver Whispers

Tracing Memory from Depths Unknown,

Quiet the Echoes of Velvet Thunder

From darkness through which the Stars have shown,

Brilliance Bending from heights unscaled

Into tepid waters, fraught with fear,

Stilling the Silence that spins and sifts

Through these Acres of thoughts so Near,

As Time Spans backwards,

And Light Unravels

Moonlight Like gravel through the Endless glass,

Like waves upon a sea of grass,

Shaping,

Blending,

The Mirage of Hours as they pass.

.

~Morgan~

.

.

.

Amazing Original Artwork by: o-nobody-o.deviantart.com  

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Cowl – #Halloween #DailyHaikuChallenge

28 Saturday Oct 2017

Posted by Morgan in Daily Haiku Challenge

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

BnV, BooknVolume, Darkness, depression, Fear, Grief, Halloween, Haunted Places, Memory, Poem, poetry, Poetry Blog, spirituality, ~Morgan~

.

Silence lies thickly

Muted tones of Memory

A dark heavy Cowl

.

To take part in the Daily Haiku Challenge see  The Original Post from Day One

.

Day 353 / 365

 

.

~Morgan~

.

.

.

Beautiful Photograph found on Pinterest.  Credit Gratefully Acknowledged to the Original Photographer.  Thank You~

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#NationalPoetryDay – Potent Power #FreeVerse #Poetry

28 Thursday Sep 2017

Posted by Morgan in Poetry

≈ 7 Comments

Tags

BnV, BooknVolume, depression, Fear, Inspiration, life, National Poetry Day, Poem, poetry, Poetry Blog, relationships, spirituality, Waiting, ~Morgan~

Beautifully Bleak 1

 

Words
Like a Pallet of Paint to Bedeck a barren canvas with Depths otherwise Unknown,
Stand Ready to unmask me.
Call I then upon their Potent Power to Speak for me in Tongues
I would otherwise be ignorant of, and let them Spill Out in Endless Fashion
That, by some means as I may be incapable of,
Tell the Secret Truth about my Heart of Hearts.
Listen, then, with an Attent ear so each word may Fulfill its Purpose.
Give over the Admiration of an accusing mind to the Power of these pawns,
Which now I use so grossly to Unfold myself
And Muse upon this Dilemma, so Beguiling of nature.

There is a numbing silence,
Which Parades around the Inmost parts of me.
An Acquiescence of Spirit that, at times, threatens to Undo me.
Murderous and Suffocating in its heaviness of burden,
Pain taunts my every fiber.
The Shallowness of Love and it’s every Endeavor,
It’s every deception,
It’s every Blaze of Unbridled Passion and Confusion of Ecstasy,
Spin my senses Beyond my comprehension.

What is there, Then, in this simple Plan of Existence we call Reality
To give us any semblance of Meaning or Purpose?
How do we Measure the Challenge of continued breath against the chaos
Of each Beat of our Hearts?
There is an Unquestionable Merit to Patience that I am yet to Understand.
Give me Greed, hatred, or luckless ambition, for by these meager actions
Exists a sense of reason, but what of Love?
It does not give us any Measure of Profit,
Yet we track it as relentlessly as we pursue revenge.
It is Belittling.
It is Empowering.
It is Madness cast upon a writhing sea wherein there lies little Hope.
It is Bitter, Severing Loneliness;
A Place I run to where I might Hide myself and from where I run to hide.

Still; I cannot Hide.
Love is All I truly Long for,
Hope for,
Dream of.
It is the Apparition, the Mirage I witness all around and, yet, cannot Touch.
Each time I suppose myself to be Attaining it,
Love Vanishes into Silvery nothingness,
only to Reappear at the very limit Of my Perception.
Shall I, then, chase after it?
Or shall I sit down among the dry and dusty tumbleweeds
to Wait out the heat of yet another wearisome day?

Nay.
I stand.
I walk.
I run.
Ever and Always, Chasing the Muse.
With Hope as Expectant within me as the Glorious Vision itself,
Casting all my Anticipation upon The One
Who is Ever Capable of combating all the Ruthlessness of this bleak Existence,
and in that Decisive Act of Irrevocable Trust,
I Behold the Manifestation.

.

~Morgan~

.

.

.

Beautiful Photography by Sortvind at Deviantart.com

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#WorldPoetryDay – Melting

21 Tuesday Mar 2017

Posted by Morgan in Poetry

≈ 6 Comments

Tags

BnV, BooknVolume, depression, Grief, Loneliness, Poem, poetry, Poetry Blog, sadness, Silence, Sorrow, ~Morgan~

Melting

Silence drips

like Melting wax

From dimly burning candles

Flickering

Sputtering

While shadows await

The coming darkness

.
~Morgan~
.
.
.
Beautiful Photography found on Favim.com

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#FridayFeyDay – Longing – #DailyHaikuChallenge

24 Friday Feb 2017

Posted by Morgan in Daily Haiku Challenge, Dark Fey, Friday FeyDay / Fantasy

≈ 2 Comments

Tags

BnV, BooknVolume, Dark Fey, depression, Epic Fantasy, Living with Grief, Longing, Poem, poetry, Poetry Blog, spirituality, ~Morgan~

uunglarda2

.

Rock and shale living

Each Breath leads only to pain

Longing for the Light

.

The Dark Fey trilogy is Epic Fantasy that shares a story not only of Light and Darkness, but the very real, everyday struggle of living with grief, depression, and loss.  The Reviled Fey live a rock and shale existence, captive to pain and despair; yet many of them harbour Hope deep within, longing to return to the Light and Peace of their home.

To Learn more about the Dark Fey trilogy visit it’s dedicated website
All Things Dark Fey

.

To take part in the Daily Haiku Challenge see The Original Post from Day One

.

Day 123 / 365

.

~Morgan~

.

.

.

Photograph found on Pinterest.  Credit Gratefully Acknowledged to the original photographer. Thank you~

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The Glow – #TBT

01 Thursday Dec 2016

Posted by Morgan in Just Me Musing

≈ 16 Comments

Tags

Be the Miracle, BnV, BooknVolume, depression, Harmony, Holidays, Inspiration, life, Light, Love, relationships, sadness, spirituality, ~Morgan~

Peace-On-Earth

.

The Holidays are a splendid time of year, filled with cheer, giving, kindness and benevolence we might otherwise neglect to employ; yet, it is also a time of year when many look through the glitter and sparkle and see only shadows of what used to be. Memories can be a funny thing. Though they are of happy hours, they can make us sad; and although they are of joyful moments, they can bring us tears. This holiday season I find myself understanding these conundrums more than ever before as I look around my festively decorated home and find myself missing one who loved this season of the year more than any other. I sit quietly staring at the place she used to sit and long to hear her laughter ringing through the house once more.

Nevertheless, she would Never want me to be sad and she would not want one sparkling, shining moment of this Blessed Season to find diminishment, particularly in missing her. She is near in ever glittering ornament on the tree and through ever gladsome song; she smiles through the glow, a sweet reflection of the radiance of Heaven touching my quiet world; and in these few days when I prepare in my heart, as well as my kitchen, for the coming of the Reason for the Season, I must remember that she is amidst THAT Joy and Love, which came down to Earth. How can I be sad about that?

Now, you may have other beliefs and you may not entirely agree, but when Love sits smiling upon us from a better, happier, more peaceful place; should we not pause to smile back? Perhaps if we did, the darkness of this world would be a bit brighter; perhaps it might glitter and sparkle like the lights of our countless holiday ornamentation shining out into the bleak winter night; perhaps to draw those lingering in the shadows into the light, if even for a moment, to bask in the glow and share a contented sigh. Perhaps by reaching out to offer a glimmering moment of holiday cheer to someone who might otherwise find no pleasure in the season, we might make that glow all the brighter?

May The Glow of the Season Reach out to you through the darkness and fill your quiet world or rush and bustle with Peace and Joy! Happy Christmas!

Joyful Christmas

.
~Morgan~
.
.
.
Beautiful Artwork found on Pinterest. Credit acknowledged to the original artists. Thank You!

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#FridayFantasy – Twisting Shadows

28 Friday Oct 2016

Posted by Morgan in Daily Haiku Challenge, Dark Fey, Friday FeyDay / Fantasy

≈ 7 Comments

Tags

BnV, BooknVolume, Daily Haiku Challenge, Dark Fey, Darkness, depression, Fear, Poem, poetry, Poetry Blog, PTSD, ~Morgan~

twisting-shadows

.

Silence Stifling

Shadows twisting in the mind

Echoes Whispering

. Continue reading →

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Never – A-Z#Poetry

01 Saturday Oct 2016

Posted by Morgan in Poetry

≈ 12 Comments

Tags

BnV, BooknVolume, depression, Doubt, Fear, Pessimism, photography, Poem, poetry, Poetry Blog, Poetry Challenge, Writing Challenge, Writing Poetry, ~Morgan~

Black 3

.

Never Forget

To Never Recollect

The Never in Ever

That might Reflect Continue reading →

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Jaded – A-Z#Poetry

27 Tuesday Sep 2016

Posted by Morgan in Poetry

≈ 16 Comments

Tags

Beautiful Photographs, BnV, BooknVolume, Darkness, depression, Loneliness, Loss, Lost Love, Poem, poetry, Poetry Blog, Poetry Challenge, Writing Challenge, ~Morgan~

jaded

.

In the darkness

Encircled by change and calamity

Perched upon the precipice with my gaze cast downward

Discovering the abyss Continue reading →

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Potent Power – #FreeVerse #Poetry

26 Monday Sep 2016

Posted by Morgan in Poetry

≈ 5 Comments

Tags

BnV, BooknVolume, depression, Dilemma, Fear, Inspiration, life, Poem, poetry, Poetry Blog, relationships, spirituality, Waiting, ~Morgan~

Beautifully Bleak 1

 

Words
Like a Pallet of Paint to Bedeck a barren canvas with Depths otherwise Unknown,
Stand Ready to unmask me.
Call I then upon their Potent Power to Speak for me in Tongues
I would otherwise be ignorant of, and let them Spill Out in Endless Fashion
That, by some means as I may be incapable of,
Tell the Secret Truth about my Heart of Hearts.
Listen, then, with an Attent ear so each word may Fulfill its Purpose.
Give over the Admiration of an accusing mind to the Power of these pawns,
Which now I use so grossly to Unfold myself
And Muse upon this Dilemma, so Beguiling of nature.

There is a numbing silence,
Which Parades around the Inmost parts of me.
An Acquiescence of Spirit that, at times, threatens to Undo me.
Murderous and Suffocating in its heaviness of burden,
Pain taunts my every fiber.
The Shallowness of Love and it’s every Endeavor,
It’s every deception,
It’s every Blaze of Unbridled Passion and Confusion of Ecstasy,
Spin my senses Beyond my comprehension.

What is there, Then, in this simple Plan of Existence we call Reality
To give us any semblance of Meaning or Purpose?
How do we Measure the Challenge of continued breath against the chaos
Of each Beat of our Hearts?
There is an Unquestionable Merit to Patience that I am yet to Understand.
Give me Greed, hatred, or luckless ambition, for by these meager actions
Exists a sense of reason, but what of Love?
It does not give us any Measure of Profit,
Yet we track it as relentlessly as we pursue revenge.
It is Belittling.
It is Empowering.
It is Madness cast upon a writhing sea wherein there lies little Hope.
It is Bitter, Severing Loneliness;
A Place I run to where I might Hide myself and from where I run to hide.

Still; I cannot Hide.
Love is All I truly Long for,
Hope for,
Dream of.
It is the Apparition, the Mirage I witness all around and, yet, cannot Touch.
Each time I suppose myself to be Attaining it,
Love Vanishes into Silvery nothingness,
only to Reappear at the very limit Of my Perception.
Shall I, then, chase after it?
Or shall I sit down among the dry and dusty tumbleweeds
to Wait out the heat of yet another wearisome day?

Nay.
I stand.
I walk.
I run.
Ever and Always, Chasing the Muse.
With Hope as Expectant within me as the Glorious Vision itself,
Casting all my Anticipation upon The One
Who is Ever Capable of combating all the Ruthlessness of this bleak Existence,
and in that Decisive Act of Irrevocable Trust,
I Behold the Manifestation.

.

Written in response to the Daily Prompt: Dilemma

.

~Morgan~

.

.

.

Beautiful Photography by Sortvind at Deviantart.com

Save

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Word Mongery and Musings Book Review Blog

The Mercy Series

https://youtu.be/QPZZD5ajQ_Y

Dark Fey Website

All About Me & My Writing

Attn: Artists & Photographers

BnV is a visual & lyrical blog which makes use of many sources of media to enhance the words I write. All artwork and photography displayed on this blog is diligently credited to the Original Artist or Photographer, whenever possible. IF you discover one of your images without appropriate credit acknowledgment PLEASE feel free to contact me via my contact page info so I may update the post with your name & website info OR, if you require it, remove the image. Thank You for Sharing your Talent with BnV.

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BooknVolume Anniversary Date6 June, 2013
Celebrating SEVEN Full Years of BnV!!

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The Reluctant Poet

A Discovery of Enlightening Insights, Information, Humor, Writings and Musings

Soje Groups LLC

Just another WordPress site

LUCID BEING

“Compassionate toward oneself, we reconcile all inner, and the universe - from within.”

johncoyote

Poetry, story and real life. Once soldier, busnessman, grandfather and Poet.

Operation X

Just Food Travel Blog

Get Latest Worldwide Updates and News about Food, Travel, Sports, Trading and Lifestyle.

How to avoid Gas leakage incidents

How to avoid Gas leakage incidents

pickmyreader.com/

Cristian Mihai

launches a project every month

Echoes In An Empty Room

Hannah's book blog. This is my place where I share my favourite reads and chat about books.

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