The Book and Volume of This Distracted Globe
Or Book and Volume
Admittedly, I am an amateur. Sure, I’ve heard about blogs for years, heard people talking about posts round the proverbial water cooler, but I’ve never actually read one. Nope, not a single one, but I know how to spin a tale; I understand and appreciate the basics of English grammar (although I don’t always obey proper form and I do love a split infinitive) so I thought, why not? Give it a go. Have a bash, what’s to lose, really? Bit of time. After all, how hard could it be, sitting at my laptop listening to the sounds of the ocean, or a nice thundery rainstorm, or the ethereal music of Delirium all thanks to the wellspring we know as You Tube. And even If the only person who finds said blog interesting, amusing or, if I’m lucky, entertaining, should be me than that’s just splendid; because if you can’t take a little time out of your day to amuse yourself, then perhaps you’re taking things a bit too seriously. (but I digress)
So here it is, entry one. Or post number one. Or what have you. Now, for those of you who do not know me (yet) perhaps this would be an opportune moment to insert some sort of disclaimer, alert you to some of my comparatively annoying idiosyncrasies, and enlighten you to some of my peculiarities. (Most of these are one in the same by the way) So here goes: first and foremost I’m a word enthusiast, aficionado, and devotee. I love, admire, aspire to emulate and find myself positively piqued (by) Shakespeare, Dickens, Austin, Blake, Poe, or the like. Odd, perchance, but I’m quite certain you’ve probably already ascertained this for yourself. Yes, words….words….words.. (to quote the Master). They fill me with inspiration, they bring me to tears or sometimes they make me LOL, ….they can often, also, bore me to bits (insert government or math related blather here). So you may find yourself reading ten pages of paragraph long sentences brimming over with 6 syllable words just to find out that all I’ve really said is I don’t actually have anything to say. Yeah, I’m good at that.
I should also probably warn you that, although I find a great many things interesting and will, most likely, remark on any number of them in a given post, I don’t have a particular objective in mind ( at this point anyway) for this blog. Variety is the spice of life after all, so one never knows what I may sit down and prattle on about, at length, mayhap insipidly, but at the very least ( and dare I say, hopefully!) you won’t find yourself feeling preached at when you’ve reached the end. That, you may be sure, is not my intention.
So there you are and here I am, two partners in time; one sharing, one gaining (little or nothing, but perhaps at least a smile…if I am successful) giving and receiving, for better or for worse….(yes, I see the direction this metaphorical segment is taking and I would break off, but where this is going illustrates so well another of my quirks, which is, though I hate to admit it, that I do tend to find meaning in even the simplest things)…so to get back to my metaphor… if you think about it, being a writer and a reader is rather like being in a relationship ( I was going to use the M word, but we barely know each other yet). There’s good, there’s bad, there’s mutual intrigue, there are laughs and tears, arguments and betrayals of one form or another, but in the end, it’s generally worthwhile. (there, that wasn’t too bad, was it?)
Ok, so you’ve read four paragraphs now and, although I’m only going on instinct, I’m thinking I should probably begin to wrap this up. Not very educational, to be sure; not very interesting, conceivably, but maybe, just maybe, when you are at work tomorrow talking to your friends ( or if you haven’t any of those at your job ) your colleagues, or when you’re stuck in traffic on your way in or way home talking to one of the aforementioned on your cell, or when you’re chatting with some stranger you just met on the tube, you might just tell them about what you did last night.
How you were sitting at your computer/laptop/iPad/electronic devise of some sort, bored with the mundane, hum-drumness of Facebook and Twitter and you decided, (possibly against better judgment), to strike out on your own. It was then that you happened upon the most… (insert adjective of your choice here) (yes, interactive blog….nifty, eh?)… blog you’ve ever read in your life and, although you’re not sure if it was about anything in particular, you did have a laugh once or twice, but it didn’t last long and, while it seemed inane at the time and, although you thought you’d never be interested in reading it again, you can’t stop thinking about it. In fact, you can’t even say why. What you can say is that the author might just possibly be off her hinges, one pie short of a picnic, not quite reaching warp speed; still, she had a way of writing that made you want to read more….maybe,…although you can’t be certain because there was only one entry. And now you’re left with the most annoying set of circumstances imaginable because all you really want to know is, what the heck is she going to be nattering on about next?